Often these days, I wish to open this blog and write about life or what it is becoming. Yet, in order to do this successfully, I would need to understand what is going on. I feel like thanksgiving dinner that was sitting on a serving plate under a silver cover to keep warm. Now the cover has been removed. And what do I see? Instead of darkness, there is light. Instead of a rounded sky of dim silver, there is nothing – and yet, there is everything.
Whatever had surrounded me for the past length of time is gone. I could try to define my present experience of life as love, joy, peace, happiness, calm, clarity, and simplicity. Yet, how does one see these things? Even more, how does one define them when he does see them? Each of these attributes in itself contains an infinite number of expressions and and can be understood and experienced in an infinite number of ways. It is like a nameless thrill, an insatiable appetite and a satisfied desire all at the same time. Is it possible to fly while keeping one’s feet on the ground? Only if the whole world is moving.
If I could, I would describe the whole process of change that I am going through in a step-by-step pattern for others to follow. But this is what is unique about what is happening in this season of my life: the change taking place is one that is customized exactly to me. It cannot and will not be duplicated. However, the results of the change and the One who brings about the change remain the same
Here is my experience.
Sounds are beautiful. The wind has a voice. Colors appear where I had never noticed them before. The world I live in becomes more vivid as I go through the day. I hear music in my head and when I play it with my hands, I fall into a daze of some kind. Every moment is lived with a constantly growing thought that this is just the beginning of the mystery that I know as God. His presence becomes infinitely more real and forces me to confront the shadows that I have lived in for so long. As the light grows ever stronger, more shadows are revealed and cast away.
Living in the midst of such brilliance is so overwhelming that I no longer know how to be. I could spend all day staring into the sky. I could play the same song over and over again, never tiring of its melody. I could lie awake all night and wonder at the stars. I could close my eyes and think over the mystery that is slowly being revealed.
I read through the history of what brought me to this place and never discover what I did to make it happen. I know this is what I desired, but I don’t know how it has come to pass – except for what Jesus said: “Seek and you will find, knock and it will be open to you.” I don’t know what has been opened to me or exactly what I have been seeking for, but I know I have found it.
Now that it is mine, I wish to become the kind of person who can possess it more completely. I must continually change, grow, and respond to the light that I receive. I don’t have to, but what else do I desire?